Deeper Implications of Suffering

You may well have been thinking to yourself these past few days –

“The mindfulness challenge this week to be attentive to suffering has not been any fun at all. What a horrible idea!”

Some of you might have decided to set this particular mindfulness assignment aside and either revisit a previous challenge or take a much deserved vacation from mindfulness challenges. Why in the world did I suggest that you become attentive to suffering?

Suffering as it turns out is an extra burden we create that overlays mental angst and emotional distress on top of physical pain. Suffering is not required or necessary. It is something that we impose on ourselves that amplifies the physical pain.

How many times have you seen an individual, particularly those that you love, suffer.  You think to yourself or even say to them –

“Stop! Get over it. Get on with your life.” 

How many times have you had that thought or expressed it to another person?

Permit me to introduce a rambling tirade which imposes additional challenges that are quite necessary. Dealing with the physical pain taken alone is a formidable challenge in itself. Imposing the additional burdens of suffering is overwhelming and unmanageable.

Perhaps the following tirade may sound vaguely familiar to you?

“This is the second painful cramp that I’ve had in my right calf this week, yuck!  This time I’m sure it’s going to get worse just like it did before when this happened several weeks ago.  This cramp is more than I can stand.  What in the world is wrong with me?  First there was the problem of tremor, then unsteadiness and now cramping?  What’s really going on?  Oh my God.  Perhaps the cramping that I’m experiencing right now is something really, really serious.  Maybe the reason I’m cramping is that I have a brain tumor.  Maybe I have cancer.  Maybe it’s something really serious like a stroke is about to unfold.  Oh my God.” 

The tirade above gives you a flavor of the irrational impositions that we too often attach to physical pain. This cacophony of worries and frets adds a thick layer of anxiety which is entirely unnecessary. Adding the overlay of suffering makes the pain seem so much acute.

All of the statements and thoughts in this tirade are fabrications of the imagination. They impose additional burdens which need not be assumed because they never existed in the first place. The person above did not have a stroke. They do not have cancer.

It is recommended to set suffering aside when the rattle trap of negative thoughts creep into your head.

“Oh, I’m sure my reasoning is obviously ridiculous.  Let me just place this tirade on the top shelf of my ‘stupid and silly thoughts’ kitchen cabinet. I can always take them out tomorrow if I choose to enjoy suffering again tomorrow.” 

Place the tirade of suffering on the cabinet shelf. Shut the cabinet door. Of course you may want to re-visit the thoughts tomorrow, especially if you are eager to find a little pleasure out of it all. Admittedly, we can all derive pleasure from suffering. Most people however discover that once the thoughts have been locked up, they have no need to re-visit them.

Once the overlay of suffering has been dissolved, initiate a dialogue with the cramping in your right calf or your right thigh or your left thigh or with whatever difficulties you might currently be having.

  • What’s up here? 
  • What’s going on? 
  • How does that discomfort actually feel?
  • Does it come and go? 
  • Does it have intensity that fluctuates? 
  • Is it sharp in character?
  • Is it dull? 
  • What does that discomfort actually feel like in the moment? 

When people wipe away the overlay of suffering that they imposed on the pain and the   discomfort, guess what?  The pain and discomfort lesson. You begin to feel a little better.  The pain is not as acute or as bothersome.

I know you probably think I have got it all backwards. It would seem more logical to predict that when you pay closer attention to pain it should get worse. Right?  Not true.

If you really sink into what is going on with your body, you can not only get an accurate fix of the character of the discomfort but determine its root cause. Once you get a few good clues about the cause, you are finally in a position to do something about it.

To summarize – suffering is actually unnecessary.  It is something that we do to ourselves. Symptoms become significantly worse when we add the unnecessary ingredient of suffering.

It is easiest to notice the suffering in others which is the reason for the challenge this week. If your experience has been like mine, it is overwhelming to realize how much suffering people create for themselves.  Shift that awareness to yourself. Why not take suffering out of the equation when physical pain is present?

When you impose suffering on top of the pain and discomfort, gather together all thoughts of suffering that ramble on and on. Place the entire tirade inside your kitchen cabinet of “stupid and silly thoughts.” Shut the door. Forget about them.

Once suffering is out of the picture you can become much more mindful and attentive to the signals your body is sending moment to moment.  Disengage suffering from the physical character of symptoms. Your body is always trying to send messages to you moment to moment.  Put suffering aside and listen mindfully to the messages your body is sending.

You body is always talking.

We just have to learn how to listen mindfully.

Robert

© Parkinsons Recovery

Notice Suffering

My mindfulness challenge for you this week is to become fully and completely attentive to the suffering of other persons.  Let me make something absolutely clear at the outset.   The invitation is not that you suffer yourself. Rather, become aware and sensitive to the suffering of other persons.

Suffering can come in rather extreme packages.  We are certainly all aware of the suffering of individuals who are seriously ill and in pain.  Suffering can also assume milder forms.  There can be many nuances of suffering in the tone of a person’s voice, in their expressions or even in the way they may hesitate or stumble over the words they speak. With each and every encounter with another individual, become fully attentive and aware of all suffering that may be evident with the other person.

Some examples may help flesh out the idea behind the challenge this week.

  • You are driving in your car down the street. A person driving in their car behind you decides that they need to drive a couple of inches next to your back bumper.  Look in the mirror. Examine the expression on their face. Sink in to what may be going on with the person who is on your tail. There is obviously suffering present.
  • You are standing in a line waiting to pay for groceries.  The person behind you is obviously very agitated. Their body is tense and contorted. They are eager to pass through the line very, very quickly.  Look. Notice the expression on their face. Be attentive to what is going on with them in the present moment.
  • You are sitting at the dinner table when a family member shifts into an emotional outburst. Pay close attention to their ever changing feelings as they unfold over the course of the outburst. Suffering can settle in for a spell and – all of a sudden – vanish in a flash. Obverse any indications of irritation, flashes of anger and little flares of frustration that slip out uncontrollably. Take delight in a release from the suffering which may be accompanied by a funny tale. The shifts can be shocking and the nuances flabbergasting.
  • You are listening to your favorite radio show when a listener calls in to rant. Extend your assessment of suffering to people on the radio who rant. You can hear suffering in their voices.

Suffering is ever-present in every one’s life. We do not have to be licensed detectives to confront it firsthand in ourselves or others.

Be aware of what suffering looks like. How does it feel inside your body when you connect from a deep place inside of you with the suffering of another?  Is there a unique sensation in your physical body that emerges? Does the suffering you encounter assume an intensity that ranges from mild to severe? Or, is the intensity even handed and reserved? Make no judgments. Simply observe. Be mindful of each and every encounter you have with a person who is suffering in the moment.

When you observe suffering – and you are likely to observe it often over the course of one day – do a quick assessment of its character, intensity and extensiveness for the individual.

Most of us (myself included!) prefer to run away from suffering. Turn that fear around this week. Become more and more sensitive and attentive to the suffering of each person you encounter. Please keep in mind – as I said at the outset – please do not take on the suffering of others. It is not yours to have. Simply become aware of the suffering of others and leave it at that.

Robert

© Parkinsons Recovery